(Spike Milligan plays Eccles and Spriggs, Peter Sellers plays Bloodnok and Bluebottle, and Harry Secombe plays Seagoon.)

Tenor:     There's a song that I recall my mother sang to me,


Spriggs:     (Sighs.)


Tenor:     She sang it as she tucked me in when I was ninety-three.


Spriggs:     I-diddle-di. [Spoken] Who was that bum?


Bluebottle and Spriggs:     Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong yiddle i po,
Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong yiddle i po
(Bluebottle has dropped behind.)


Spriggs:     [Spoken] Keep fired up. Keep up!


Bluebottle:     [Spoken] Keep up lad.


Both:     Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong yiddle I po, lad!


Both:     Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong yiddle I po!


Bluebottle:     Lad, po lad,


Spriggs:     Yiddle i po,


Both:     Ying tong, ying tong,


Spriggs:     Yiddle,


Bluebottle:     Ying tong, ying tong,


Both:     Ying tong yiddle i po, ying tong, ying tong yiddle.


Bluebottle:     [Spoken] Ying tong, ying tong yiddle i po (raspberry).


Spriggs:     Oh!


Both:     Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong yiddle I po,
Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong yiddle i po, yiddle I po!
(Frantic trumpeting followed by three huge drumbeats.)


Bluebottle:     Yiiiing, ying tongy tongy, ying tong yiddle I po, ying tong yiddle i po.


Secombe:     What a lovely melody divine!


Bluebottle:     Yi-i-ing, ying tongy tongy,


Milligan:     Get off the record, sir!


Bluebottle:     Yiiiing, ying tong, ying tong yiddy, po,


Milligan:     Get away!


Bluebottle:     Dig-dig-diggun, dig-dig-digga, ying tong yiddle I po.


Seagoon:     Hear that crazy rhythm, driving me insane,
strike your partner on the bonce (thump),


Eccles:     Ooh! I felt no pain.


Seagoon:     (Screeches.)


Seagoon, Bluebottle and Eccles:     Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying.


Soprano:     Take me back to Vienna... (melodic raspberries)


Bloodnok:     Ohhh!


Eccles:     Ooh!


Soprano:     Take me back to Vienna, where the... (ceiling collapses)


Seagoon, Spriggs and Bluebottle:     [Distant] ...tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong yiddle i po,
Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong yiddle i po.
(They all dash forward.)
Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong iddle I po,


Spriggs:     Where's he going, lad?


Bluebottle:     I don't know...


Seagoon, Spriggs and Bluebottle:     Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong yiddle i po.


Seagoon:     LOOK OUT!


Bluebottle> Ey!
(They all dash back into the distance.)


Seagoon, Spriggs and Bluebottle:     [Hurriedly] Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong iddle I po,
Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong yiddle i po.
(They all dash forward again.)
Ying tong...
(Bomb falls and explodes.)


All:     [Pinky-and-Perky style]
Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong yiddle i po,
Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong yiddle i po, yiddle i po,
Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong yiddle i po,
Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong yiddle i po, yiddle i po.
Yiiiing, tongy tongy tongy, yiddy diddy diddy da doh, ying diddy,
Ying tong diddle, yiddledy boo,
(Thigh-slapping followed by a raspberry)
Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong yiddle, ying tong yiddle i po,
Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong yiddle i po, yiddle i po, oh!