(Secombe) I'm going to hold a rhyming comptetion
To prove that England is the greatest still
But if I don't like the rhyme that you have written
I reserve the right, the poet for to kill!

(Sellers/Thynee) This could mean the big time!
Have you heard of this man Moriarty
Who's never appeared with Russell Harty
(Milligan/Moriarty) The reason is this: I was out on the <smack>

(All) That was a terrible rhyme --
(Secombe) who's the next victim -- that' you

(Sellers/Bloodnok) A nobleman from old Bohemia
Whose daughter was christined Euphemia
Though she was a real stunner, she married a gunner
With chancres and haemiophilia!


(All) That was a wonderful rhyme sign us another one,do!
[ thought is comes out ``fright us a snagging or two'' -- RS ]
(Milligan/Moriarty) The reason is this: I was out on the <smack>
(Sellers/Bloodnok) Right in the old Niagaras

(Sellers/Bluebottle) There was a young lady of Tottingham
Who had no manners or had forgotten them
At tea at the Vicar's, she ripped off her knickers
Because she said she felt hot in 'em

(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do

(Milligan/Minnie) Why aren't I in this recording

(Milligan/Eccles) There was a young man of Trilee
Who was stung on the neck by a wasp
When asked did it hurt, he replied not at all.
It can't <oh!>

(All) That was an unfinished ryhme. Sing us another one do

(Sellers?/Rough) Morning hard on the nurdle
In arm with the bird and the burdle
The old fargon goo, he done riden the blue
And he grundled the gwreds and the gwrelds

(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do

(Milligan?/Japanese) There was a young man from Yokohomo
Who marry a girl from Kawmow (?)
On honeymoon night, bed catch alite
So he get up and put on pyjammas

(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do

(Sellers/German) There was a young Nazi from Berlin
Fought for Hitler in hopes that he would win
Now he cleans all the shoes of the Golders Green Jews
Boy have they got it in for him!

(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do

(Milligan/Indian1) There was a young man called Ghandi
(Sellers/Indian2) Gandi is right
(Indian1) Who went in to the bar for the Shandy
(Indian2) You are right absolutely
(Indian1) With his great loin cloth he wipes off the froth
And the barman says "Blimey, that's handy"

(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
(Eccles) Well that's the end of that
(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
(Bloodnok) Look, I have several others rhymes unsung
(All) That was a jolly good rhyme. Sing us another one, do
(Minnie) Stop! Stop! Stop!

<various fading out complaints which I can't be bothered
decypering >

(Moriarity) The reason was this, I was out on the <gunshot!>