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Illustration to a poem by Naomi Hocking - visit Naomis website here
SCORFLUFUS
by
Spike Milligan
There are many diseases,
That strike people's kneeses,
Scorflufus! is one by name
It comes from the East
Packed in bladders of yeast
So the Chinese must take half the blame.
There's a case in the files
Of Sir Barrington-Pyles
While hunting a fox one day
Shot up in the air
And remained hanging there!
While the hairs on his socks turned grey!
Aye!Scorflufus had struck!
At man, beast, and duck.
And the knees of the world went Bong!
Some knees went Ping!
Other knees turned to string
From Balham to old Hong Kong.
Should you hold your life dear,
Then the remedy's clear,
If you're offered some yeast - don't eat it!
Turn the offer down flat-
Don your travelling hat-
Put an egg in your boot - and beat it!
JUMBO JET
by
Spike Milligan
I saw a little elephant standing in my garden,
I said 'You don't belong in here', he said 'I beg you pardon?',
I said 'This place is England, what are you doing here?',
He said 'Ah, then I must be lost' and then 'Oh dear, oh dear'.
'I should be back in Africa, on Saranghetti's Plain',
'Pray, where is the nearest station where I can catch a train?'.
He caught the bus to Finchley and then to Mincing lane,
And over the Embankment, where he got lost, again.
The police they put him in a cell, but it was far too small,
So they tied him to a lampost and he slept against the wall.
But as the policemen lay sleeping by the twinkling light of dawn,
The lampost and the wall were there, but the elephant was gone!
So if you see an elephant, in a Jumbo Jet,
You can be sure that Africa's, the place he's trying to get!
STANDING ROOM ONLY
by
Spike Milligan
This population explosion
Said Peter to St. Paul
Is really getting far too much
Just look at the crowd in the hall.
Even here, in Heaven
There isn't any room
I think the world could do with less
Much less fruit in the womb.
Thus Heaven is overcrowded
The numbers are starting to tell
So when the next lot knock at the gates
Tell 'em to got to Hell.
I'M WALKING BACKWARDS FOR CHRISTMAS
by
Spike Milligan (1956)
I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
Across the Irish Sea,
I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
It's the only thing for me.
I've tried walking sideways,
And walking to the front,
But people just look at me,
And say it's a publicity stunt.
I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
To prove that I love you.
An immigrant lad, loved an Irish colleen
From Dublin Galway Bay.
He longed for her arms,
But she spurned his charms,
And sailed o'er the foam away
She left the lad by himself, on his own
All alone, a-sorrowing
And sadly he dreamed, or at least that's the
way it seemed, buddy,
That an angel choir did sing -
An angel choir did sing.
I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
Across the Irish Sea.
I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
It's the finest thing for me.
And so I've tried walking sideways,
And walking to the front.
But people just laughed, and said,
"It's a publicity stunt".
So I'm walking backwards for Christmas
To prove that I love you.
(I know this isn't a poem, but I just like this one)
If I could write words
Like leaves on an autumn forest floor,
What a bonfire my letters would make.
If I could speak words of water,
You would drown when I said
"I love you."
Spike Milligan
It is every little girl's dream to be
The fairy on a Christmas tree.
A wand in her hand,
A smile on her face.
And a tree in a most peculiar place.
Spike Milligan
Rage in Heaven
If a robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all heaven in a rage
How feels heaven when
Dies the millionth battery hen?
Spike Milligan
Halved
The essence of true beauty
Lingers in all-encompassing rainbows
Of your joy and laughter
You hold my hand and smile
As we ensconce ourselves in our world of fire
Our love is all there is
I touch your face
Your gentleness astounds me
I'm held in the honour of your love
Then overnight, the wrold truns suor
61 mInnIts past the ELevenTHH HouRR
I'M A L 0 N E
Spike Milligan
FROM ELITE SKILLS WEBSITE by User MAZ
Mood: Thinking...
Spike Milligan's a poet who I was introduced to at a young age, by my parents, and is someone I greately admire the work of. His way of writing poems which switch from being deeply moving to pure comic genius is something I aspire to be able to do - one day ... These are some particular favourites of mine that he's written:
'The dog lovers' - Spike Milligan:
So they bought you
And kept you in a
Very good home
Central heating
TV
A deep freeze
A very good home -
No one to take you
For that lovely long run -
But otherwise
'A very good home'
They fed you Pal and Chum
But not that lovely long run,
Until, mad with energy and boredom
You escaped - and ran and ran and ran
Under a car.
Today they will cry for you -
Tomorrow they will buy another dog.
'Christmas 1970' - Spike Milligan:
A little girl called Sile Javotte
Said 'look at the lovely presents I've got'
While a little girl in Biafra said
'Oh what a lovely slice of bread'.
*not sure of the titles of these two* - :
If I die in war
You remember me
If I live in peace
You don't.
How teeny teeny wee
Is the teeny little flea
But last night in my hotel
He made me scratch like merry hell!
...Created 2005-01-10 16:38:30
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