THE MILLIGAN QUESTIONNAIRE 

Revealing answers to pertinent questions set by The Oldie in 1998

 

What are your thoughts on reaching the age of 80?
Take avoiding action 

What are you most proud of in your career?
Me

Who is the most boring person you have ever met?
Any BBC TV Head of Department 

Which woman/women do you most regret not having been to bed with?
Shirley Temple 

Is there an afterlife? If not, why not?
Yes, why not 

What is your opinion of:

a) Monty Python

The bastards copied my Q series

b) Have I got news for you

10/10

c) Men behaving badly

Fucking terrible

d) Harry Enfield

10/10 

Which of your friends who is dead do you miss the most?
Peter Sellers 

What kind of music would you like to be played at your funeral?
Debussy’s Au Bateau 

Are you Jewish?
No but I try 

How lapsed a Catholic are you?
Total collapse 

Who is your favourite painter?
Van Gogh 

To which of the following do you ascribe longevity?

a)      Drink Modestly

b)      Sex No

c)      Abstinence No

d)      Any other factor Vegetarian 

What is your chief regret?
Never been given a break in films 

Is Hitler still alive?
Yes, living in Catford 

Do you miss Diana?
Partially 

Is Tony Blair an extraterrestrial?
He’s trying to be 

What is your honest view of Prince Charles (no bullshit please)
He’s very nice
 
Is radio dead?
For me, yes 

What is your favourite magazine (careful here)

Newsweek

Is your memory beginning to…ermm

What?